Thomas J. McFeeley Communications

Proving he was not only the heart and soul of his beloved Yankees, but also Derek Jeter’s Sugar Daddy, George M. Steinbrenner was laid to rest today and, in the process, bankrupted his beloved franchise. Steinbrenner secretly cashed in all his wealth and buried it with him following closed casket services.

The first sign came hours after the baseball All-Star Game, when Jeter attempted to pay a $5,000 tab at “Ana Hyman’s” a popular Southern California strip club. Jeter’s debit card, in the name “Roger Clemens” was not accepted. Jeter first blamed the problem on technology because, well he’s Derek Jeter. But when his assistant’s assistant phoned the 24-hour customer service line, she was informed that his bi-weekly funds were not deposited on Monday morning.

Jeter escaped harm when, after a team of bouncers threatened to “mess up his pretty little east coast face,” their supervisor turned out to be Danny Tartabull, a former Yankees “can’t miss prospect” who turned out to just be another $20 million mistake by the visionary Steinbrenner. Jeter promised Tartabull a couple of his “West Coast Groupies” who turned out to be Sharon Stone and Dana Delaney.

Sources confirmed that Steinbrenner’s family learned of the ploy early on Wednesday at the reading of The Boss’s will.

“I have decided to take all the money because I AM the Yankees, and I didn’t want any of you to forget it,” the will read, in part. “Hank and Hal, I don’t want you to think I left you with nothing. You are each entitled to one of my boats which I have renamed ‘Inferiority Complex’ and ‘Boss’s Bitch.’  You guys can argue over which one you each get, but you have to get gas, and they are in a bit of what we call in the trade: disrepair. Good luck.”

Those same sources said Steinbrenner may have timed his death for the morning of the All-Star Game because, well, he wanted the spotlight to himself.

“Heart attack my ass,” said one source, who declined to identify himself, but his name rhymes with Stank Heinbrenner. “That old bastard always had to have the last word. Hey, can I borrow five dollars?”

Steinbrenner reportedly left enough money to pay for longtime Yankees PA announcer Bob Sheppard’s funeral because, well just when you think he’s a total ass, he does something completely generous so you might reconsider his legacy.

Reaction to the suddenly penniless Yankees ranged far and wide. Andy Pettitte, the gentile southern left-hander considered the conscience of the team, was designated the spokesman for the players.

“He’s really dead? We confirmed that,” Pettitte said. “Okay then. George Steinbrenner was a complete asshole. And a whole ass. Sure we said good things about him at last night’s game, but that’s before we got screwed by a fat Jewish corpse. I knew I should have stayed in Texas and roided up with Clemens. Sure it’s cheating but the tail I got when juiced up was worth the constellation of zits on my back. Besides I hired some dumb college girl to pop those.”

Joe Buck, the Fox broadcaster who lauded Steinbrenner’s innovation and character throughout the All-Star game, also commented through a spokesperson.

“I fuckin’ knew it. Daddy always told me not to trust nobody who never milked a cow,  but Daddy also told me I was talented, so who knows where his mind was at,” the spokesperson said. Buck was unavailable after suffering a stroke from saying so many glowing and positive things about someone associated with the Yankees during the All-Star telecast.  “Is it football season yet? Troy, is that you? Will you hold my hand honey?”

Buck’s partner Tim McCarver was asked for comment but repeated the same stories he’s told on baseball broadcasts since 1985.

“Hell, he fired me once and I’m Tim fucking McCarver,” he managed to say between homespun stories. “And he gave Bobby Mercer cancer. I’m just sayin’. Speaking of Mercer, did I ever tell you the story of when we burned a cross on Bob Gibson’s lawn…..God, I miss him.”

In a late development, Yankees General Manager Brian “Lack of” Cashman completed a deal that sent Jeter, Pettitte, Mariano Rivera and Mark Teixeira to the Pittsburgh Pirates for $10 million, a bucket of balls and the team trainer.

“Hey, I need to make at least one payroll before I skip town,” he said. “And I don’t know if you’ve seen our trainer….He’s not exactly buying green bananas if you know what I mean.”

PR Firm sees huge growth in social media platforms

When Tom McFeeley started his public relations firm a year ago he had no idea how important social media would be to his business. Now his company is spending 75 percent of its time on Web sites like Twitter and Linkedin.

“Every business should be concerned about their reputation,” McFeeley said. “You can directly put yourself in front of people you care about and tell them your story.”

This is why the Stamford, Conn., resident’s company, Thomas J. McFeeley Communications, has put so much effort into social media. The results so far have been encouraging. Communication barriers have broken down allowing McFeeley’s clients to better connect with customers directly.

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Sometimes the hardest things for us to do in our own business are the very things we advise our clients they must do. Turning the mirror on yourself, and your business, can be a tricky thing. Take this example.

When I consult small businesses about their social media strategies I insist they create two different Twitter profiles — one for themselves and another for their business. Even if your business has your name attached to it — as does Thomas J. McFeeley Communications — you must keep a (virtual) wall between them. I realized two weeks ago that I merely had one Twitter account, @TomMcFeeley.

Followers of @TomMcFeeley were subject to rants about the Mets, running jokes with friends, trash talking of any fan of a team playing my beloved Jets, my edgy humor blog posts, general crankiness. Only occasionally would I tweet about public relations, social media, or the accomplishments of my clients. Actually, it was more than occasionally, but it was lost in a stream of my personal life. I’ve accumulated 1,200 followers in six months. So I created my business Twitter profile, @PRSocialMedia.

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One of my favorite columnists is Maureen Dowd. Many don’t like her, and I’m not making a statement about my politics, but I do find her really compelling because her columns almost always start a spirited discussion. I don’t always agree with her but I do appreciate that she forces me to think about difficult questions and to look deeper into issues. And she doesn’t take herself too seriously, a good lesson for all of us.

Her column this week raised a question I’ve been wondering for a few weeks now. This vitriol around President Obama, particularly in this health care debate, is astounding to me. I know people whose jobs it is to know the legislation and they don’t fully understand what’s been proposed or written. So how is it that people are so worked up.

Words do matter. But sometimes a cigar is not a cigar. “Socialist” can mean something else entirely and I fear that in many cases in our country, it does. President Carter has weighed in on race question and agrees that such emotion is masked racism. I wish he was wrong, but I do fear he is correct. How can people get so worked up over something they don’t understand? Are they defending the current health care system? Couldn’t be, right?

A journalist friend of mine always says this about controversies that come from outrageous statements by famous people: Usually the person speaking is correct and people don’t want to admit it or face the issue. So prepare yourself for a few days of debate over President Carter’s race statements. But just keep an open mind – maybe he is right. Then what do we do?